There has been something in my adulthood that creeps up from time to time that I don't really like about myself. I don't like to think that its really who I am but really just the whisperings for the great adversary in my ear, but sometimes it seems especially nagging and hard to put off.
And that would be being green with envy as they say. The green dragon?
I have oft heard the resurfacing quote comparison is the thief of joy, and while I would agree with that one, for me its not even strong enough. I read another version once that spoke to me and that is Comparison kills joy. and that is how it is for me. Being jealous or envious kills my joy.
The problem arises when I can feel it seeping in and I want to rid myself of it, but can't seem to shake it off. I can feel how ridiculous this line of thought it, since I know I am tremendously blessed, but I can get in funk where only complaints come out of my mouth. Sometimes for days. Sometimes in previous years for much longer.
Usually that means I need to pull back from the internet, Facebook, or just choose to not be bothered what I am invited or not invited too. Always it means I need to focus more on service and Christ and just stop worrying about what is breaking or needs repair in my house.
The culprits could be anything from someone else's awesome vacation to seeing someone's husband home all the time (oh the irony!) to wishing for someone's big huge kitchen island instead of the apartment sized kitchen that I am supposed to work in to feed seven people!!! see…..there it flares up again.
I always get wary when I get a jealous and cranky feeling because I know life has a harsh way of making us more appreciative of what we have even when we don't want to learn it!
So here is my attempt to acknowledge apart of myself that I am not a fan of, thankfully it is not always there, and I think its perfectly great to wish for life to improve or things to be better, the trick (which I think really means sometimes we need to trick ourselves or beat it in with a mallet!!) is to remember all the good we have.
I swear I need to go visit Africa. Or some other 3rd world country sometimes, and my kids do too since sometimes we all have the green disease.
Here is not caring if everything in our whole house is second hand or on its last legs or smells like mold. It is all ok. And its totally ok to be pissed about it all sometimes and hide and eat chocolate. As long as we come out of the fog and dust ourselves off and get to work.
Which brings me to the fact that I'm going to leave you know, and head to Home Depot. For some supplies since I'm on a speckling, drilling frenzy to fix it all myself dang it and not wait for anyone else to do it!! Wish me luck! Out of my comfort zone but thats always the best way to be.