Thursday, October 18, 2012

Kick Butt Cheery a la mode

Its hotter than hades over here.  like 84 degrees in my house!

And while I am exclaiming about all the sunshine and roses about our life right now, let me just tell you I'm choosing to see all the sunshine and roses.  Like keeping my eyes open with toothpicks force.

Literally.  We made a pact.  Jason and I.  Not to 'get weird' or depressed.  Or be crabby or moody or ruin this already hard enough experience we are having.  We know how quickly it could go down the tubes and seriously we are squeezing every dang good thing about unemployment

Good stuff:
Time with Dad
Time as a family
Eating dinner together
Extra hands to help
Going to the temple more often
Volunteering in the classroom
Extra stuff done around the house
Like a staycation!
Time to come together with a purpose

See how much good stuff?  We can feel the prayers from our family. 

Rewind to this summer, I was a little bitter.  I felt the full weight of motherhood and not capable really for the task.  What do I just clean all day?  So many needs needed to be met, as well as my own.  No family close, no vacations, no help.  Summers are just hard for moms.  Don't you just want to smack me yet with all this moaning? And yet Jason had just recently gotten a raise and he was making more money than we had ever had.

Fortunately, I knew something was wrong, out of whack.  I kept thinking, how did I get myself into this lifetime servitude so far away from my family?  Life could be so much easier.  Finally I thought if I could go back to my 20 year old self would I tell her to do anything different?  Nope, I wouldn't.  I would still marry Jason and that meant moving to Los Angeles.  But knowing it and feeling it are two different things.  So I chose to change my attitude (since I felt I couldn't change my circumstances) and immersed myself in church stuff.   It worked.

That is my hot tip.  When you are struggling, church works.  Pray, read your scriptures, but for me it was listening to conference talks while I took a shower, listening to conference talks instead of watching a show on my ipad.  Love that and mormon channel on the ipad.  The more I focused on the eternal perspective in all my spare moments or while I was doing the dishes or putting on makeup or folding laundry, the more the bitterness went away.

and then BAM!  Jason lost his job.  Well good thing I had already started on that changing path cause I don't think that bitter woman could have handled this.

But yet, the thing I had been praying for, TIME & CHANGE is happening.  I don't think what we had was working.  His old job did not work for us.  Too far away and not great benefits.  So yes that is why I believe this job detour is an answer to my prayers.  Jason losing his job in many ways lets me know that Heavenly Father and Jesus are watching out for my family, but even more, they know MY needs and what I can handle.  Maybe I just needed a month break?  (fingers crossed that is as long as it is!)

Which is why I am remaining cheery. 

and part of that is remaining cheery even when its 84 degree in your house and you have a perfectly good functioning AC that you just choose not to use.  Cheeriness is a choice, ( knocking on wood for those actually horrible things that can go wrong in life like severe illness and death do not tempt our big earthquakes either pretty please).

So, yes occasionally we have snapped at each other.  Or had a few pouty moments (cough, me)

But we have corrected it and apologized faster than we ever have in the 12 3/4 years we have lived together.  And we have laughed a lot.  Laughed and enjoyed each other. 

DID YA HEAR THAT MY THREE BLOG READERS? It only took us 12 3/4 years, five dang children, and a bunch of moves to finally figure out how to stick as a team and plaster a big old smile on our face for Jason's new bout with unemployment.

But we have found solidarity and that is the main reason this month has been so dang pleasant. 

"We may be dumb but we don't quit"  Jason and I personal marriage mantra (a la, try, try again)

We have read marriage books.  I lie.  I have read books.  Jason has heard me tell him about them.  We have taken marriage classes through our church, super helpful in first few years.  We attend church weekly together, go to the temple regularly, read our scriptures, say our prayers, ....get it?

But each day we choose to see the good about each other.  If I were to dwell on all the crazy bits or reasons why I could be mad or have been mad or should be mad, then I would be mad.  I feel like sometimes I have to physically bat those thoughts away in my mind cause they creep in.  But thankfully I am forgetful and forgiving and double blessed cause so is he.  Also helps that he lets me do what I want with the house or whatever project I'm on so that can feel productive and creative. 

I have heard couples say they don't fight.  And at the time I have thought, well you don't have kids and have money, what is there to fight about?  But that is not true, we sure had some battles in the beginning (ie:  really fast courtship!) and getting to know each other and live together.

But we don't quit.  Jason and I. 

Sadly you can't control anyone and u can't always dictate what someone else does ie: turns into a slime.  thankfully the atonement covers and will make right that unfairness in the worthy spouses left in the wreckage.  just had to put that out there cause I know some really awesome no quitters who have to deal with a bunch of crap.  you know who you are and I think you are rockstars!

 My sister Lindsey told me about this list, and it is a good one. 
 Marriage dos and don't  (with swearing, be warned! but still read I promise its a good one) read this woman's now famous list of marriage tips.  I especially agree with the go to sleep mad one.  Everything is better in the morning.  The first three actually are really great and true for us.

The End.


christy said...

You're one awesome cookie Brooke.

Lindsey said...

Great post. Love ya.

Maria said...

you're awesome.

Steve and Connie said...

I loved the marriage points! I sent it to Steve... maybe he will read it, maybe not. Dunno.

When I decided to move to Mx, it was definitely extremely out of my comfort zone, etc. But I felt the spirit that it was the right move for us. Had we stayed, we feel almost certain Steve would have lost his job and we could have had some serious financial problems (lose the house, etc.). Instead, he has been able to stay employed in a field that most have been extremely unsuccessful. But, it did require huge sacrifices on my part (um, hello? I live in the middle of nowhere Mx!). Steve openly admits it has been much easier for him and the kids are clueless to it all.

While we were extremely lucky, I understand needing to trust that He knows what he is doing with this job stuff. And He does. It can be difficult but being able to see past the now is necessary. Sounds like you and Jason are doing a great job. I hope the right job comes around very soon!!

Laurie Nguyen said...

You have more than three blog readers! :) I love your blog, and I love YOU even more!!

RachelAA said...

WEll said

English Garden said...

You'll make it Brooke, I've been there feeling away from home and family and also the 'what is it that I do all day', its hard and your right, immersing yourself in church stuff totally helps. I liked that ladies list you referenced, my favorite one is 'move', I have a love/hate relationship with change, I love the excitement and to be honest I am ready to move again, to try a new place but I worry about stability for my kids, seems like a catch 22. Things will work out and I'm secretly crossing my fingers a new job may be here in UT or AL so you can be closer to your mom.

Susannah said...

Prayers for ya'll!! Jason will find a job SOON!P.S. You freakin' rock!!!