Its officially valentine's day. Jason is on a 'date' with his/our friend Chris, and I just finished watching a slightly edited Love Actually on tivo. I cried, but whats new? Tomorrow, technically today, is my turn for a date. Our nine year anniversary is in four days.
Today I hauled my kids in the unusual California rain close to an hour each way to bring him some freshly made cinnamon rolls to work. Because sometimes its hard to show him I love him. And I know he loves cinnamon rolls. Really he loves cinnabon, but I was hoping he'd love my first time creations. My kids need to see their mom doing stuff like that. Just as important as it is from them to see him bring me flowers. Because I love flowers. And since its late at night and I just had a wonderful time watching a romantic chick flick while my husband is watching a horror film, I have been thinking. About love. And I am not normally mushy gushy. Unless its late at night and you just watched a sappy movie.
And how lucky I am in my life. Dumb luck. To have stumbled upon this opportunity to get married to a wonderful guy I didn't even realize how wonderful he would be nine years later. While we were dating, I had no idea what a wonderful dad he would be, nor did I care. Because all I was thinking about was how he was a great kisser and how great that he was Mormon, because I could finally share everything with someone who valued the same things I did. Because we aren't the same people we started out as those years ago. Shoot, I'm sure our neighbors didn't think we'd last that first year with all the discussions we had.
I'm glad we haven't quit on each other yet. And don't plan on it ever.
Even though I drive him crazy and I know he tunes me out when I speak sometimes. And I can't recall information he swore he told me. Especially if I'm on the computer or watching my favorite show. Not actually swear, because Jason never has sworn. I nag too much and talk crazy at night. He has been desensitized by my rapid flowing tears. And I partly hate when he plays basketball, even though I love that he is so good. And that my kids can inherit half of that wonderful talent, with an additional fourth because of my mother. But all in all we are a team. Maybe a crazy team who have a wonderful life together. He is my cheerleader. Even though sometimes I critique the way he cheers.
But we still have to check in with each other. We need to make sure we don't turn into roommates with the busy schedule of our lives. That is okay. As long as we are always checking. And always paying the priceless babysitters to go on a date with out are extremely adorable and smart children. Weekly if we can afford it. We don't have rules not to talk about our kids, because we love our kids. But we don't talk about them all the time. When I'm sitting across from him at a restaurant or we are walking to a movie, I think "Here is my permanent boyfriend." And I'm so glad. I didn't realize it could be rare. Or how some people have a harder time jumping into the lovely unknown that is marriage...let alone children. Or haven't found the one they want to keep kissing. Or maybe someone that their mother would approve of yet. Does that cover everyone?
I was young and dumb and didn't know what I was doing. Even though Jason doesn't like when I say that. I think part of our naivety was well played. Because it was so simple. We had to get married because we couldn't be apart from each other. We were going to fail out of school. As brief as that time might have been (four months from our first kiss if you were wondering). But we both had parents who made it work and thought we could do it as well. And as young as we probably seemed to our parents who did the same thing at our ages, I secretly hope my children aren't afraid to dive right in to commitment when they find someone they love. And that we have been a good example of parents loving each other. So they aren't scared or scarred from us.
He actually is not the person I thought I would marry, except for maybe the hair color and height, but he is the perfect person for me. He mellows me out. Ying Yang kind of thing. And I slightly kick his butt. Luckily, I have learned not to do that as much. Nor do I need to. Funny how that works out. I definitely got the better end of the temperament deal, as my family would agree, and my dad checks in to make sure I'm being nice. Even though sometimes I wished I would have married someone I could have walked all over. Or would debate me. On occasion though, when he is sleeping I just get a moment of how fragile this relationship could be and that I need to treat it preciously. Because not everyone gets one of these Superman-types.
We are equals in this thing we've created. We don't need to ask each other's permission to do something, but we talk to the other person out of respect. He would never accuse me of spending too much money and I never complain about him being too long at work. I'm just grateful he has a job. I think he's just grateful I cook and feed our children. He knows I'm overdue for some new clothes. Its funny the things we never have to talk about because we are instinctively on the same page. Like me staying at home with the kids, expectations for our family...they will get all A's (maybe not in math) and go to BYU, dedication to church (unspoken weekly attendance), or what we want our future to be even though we don't really know whats in the horizon.
I'm always trying to sell my neighbor on this marriage thing, who is my same age because I'm nosy and like his girlfriend. I say, "Don't you want this life?" Because I can't imagine why someone wouldn't. Trust. A constant. Even though nothing in our life is constant, and we rarely can see more than six months at time. But its okay. Because we have faith it will work out. And its nice to have a buddy. That's why we are busting our gut to do our best right? Do your best and then just have faith. Seems so easy. Too bad I am still a hypocrite sometimes.
Well while I'll probably regret writing this gush-fest tomorrow, cause should we really ever post what we write late at night? I do want to print this brain-dump of a blog one day...like soon. And valentine's days and anniversaries need to be documented.