Sometimes I struggle to put something on my blog besides my kids. Besides being a mom. Besides being a housewife. Show the person I am behind all the labels. How I've wonderfully preserved my 'real' self. Like how I have interests outside of my family and how cool, hip and trendy I really am. Ha! Show how I do have hobbies besides figuring out the cheapest way to buy food.
But why would I want to omit all the parts that make me so colorful?
This is mostly so I don't scare anyone out of having children. So I can pretend that there is not this massive morphing that parenting requires.
Its like when you are pregnant and you vow to never talk about your pregnancy like you aren't ever thinking about it because you don't want to annoy everyone and be so one dimensional. Like your pregnancy doesn't define you, like its no big deal. (Which is what I always try to do, when really that is all you are ever thinking about) But if someone brings it up now....then its fair game.
But the fact is I haven't read any new books lately...which is something I like to do. (minus cookbooks, my scriptures...and the newspaper)
And I get a great thrill if my dinner turns out fantastic.
Or when my floor has been vacummed. And thinking about how my kids always scream and run when the vacumn is on. Or how they love when I 'suck' them up with the extension thingy.
And everything sounds a bit domestic and boring to the average person.
Here is my theory, and I'm always coming up with theories. Sometimes they last and sometimes they are full of crap. Like the one about the first child always looking like the mom...that one was bunk. But this theory is standing thus far in my mind.
With one kid, you can pretend like you are the same person. Even though you might feel like your world has been rocked, really your former self can remain quite intact. (you might not realize this at the time though) Like how I took Luke to see Bend it like Beckham with me to the movies.
With two kids your hands are a bit fuller, you are feeling more like a 'real' family, whatever that means. You are thinking that one kid was totally easy and how much harder it is now. And you still saw 10:30 p.m. movies with friends in the middle of the week. Like when you saw Million Dollar Baby or Hotel Rwanda, both where you bawled your eyes out.
But with three there is nothing left. It takes all your energy to feed, clean, and shop for your little family. Feed, clean, shop, repeat. Every day. So whatever time you squeeze in for yourself is obviously deserved, but is rare. (like seeing Twilight with your friends) Which is fine, because now is not your time. Now is your time to give. Because you are serving your family. And really that is what makes you the coolest person on the planet, even if everyone is totally oblivious to this fact except those three souls whose world you create.
So to the ordinary person in the world your life might look very confining and dull (or not using your degree), but really your life is terribly interesting and full. How interesting to teach someone to ride a bike. Something they never will forget. Or to make a big D. Or teach them to respect themselves and others. Like not to hit. Because my children might cure the cancer you get one day. Or actually figure out how to create world peace and a greener universe. Or they might be fabulous parents (after they get degrees too) who teach more fantastic children who might cure cancer too.
Boring I may seem, but I really think what I'm doing is important. Important isn't even good enough. Monumental. Even if I think I suck at it sometimes. Or need to yell less. I have a theory that one day my kids will be so rare that they had a mom who stayed home with them that their friends will be shocked. And then I will tell them how dang lucky they are. And to stop complaining about our one bathroom and just go pee outside if they have to. The boy I mean.
My house is never clean enough so squint your eyes when you come in. I don't have any grand talents (besides maybe the ability to make friends). I don't have a etsy shop or a cool part-time job that I'd like that would stretch my brain, but I am helping create healthy foundations to these three little people who are going to bring wonderful things to the world. Hopefully just like my mom did for me.
I honestly don't think its going to be harder when we add one more...not that one is coming yet. Cause I thing we've transitioned to the easy phase of three now, and I'm starting to build a theory that only babies are hard. Definitely easier when they sleep 11 to 12 hours a night.
So when someone looks at me like I've missed out on something (like more money) or I don't have much to contribute in conversations at parties (unless they ask me about my kids), its okay, because I just think they are dumb. Cause they don't really know how much more amazing it is to do this think called mothering. That and perfecting the dinner roll. Vain isn't it? Who knew I was so arrogant? Please do not answer that.
But whatever phase you are in is great. We are all contributing to our little piece of the world. I hope not to scare you out of progressing to mine. Ironically, some of the women who I think would make the best mothers are not yet. Perspective is a luxury I wished I'd had with my first child. It will get easier. You will get sleep. You will feel confident at this job one day. You will be changed, but into a better you. Your kids will appreciate you, even if its not til they are 29 like I appreciate my mother more and more. They are lucky to have you even if they can't tell you that. And one day you will know it was all worth it. All that you gave of yourself. We all need a pep talk right? Even to ourselves.
And just because I've been toying with the idea of ceasing comments, please leave comments that will continue the discussion or expression feelings or something of the sort..