Saturday, June 18, 2016

How I feel about summer today

I mean we were doing good but now I'm feeling a bit like paisley. Holy moly the kids fighting! And the complaining! Where is my hole so I can hide 

Side note those are our first cucumbers and her shirt is tucked so she can practice gymnastics. 

My sister called me so I cried to her and she told me the advice from another sister... Just turn on the tv more. And stop worrying about how much. 

Cause really half the time we are crabby is when we are tired but I felt like being a good mom means regulating tv and video games and more regulating and monitoring. Frankly that is not gonna work. I'm tired of being the referee. My brain cannot handle any more regulating

granted we have had some amazing days so all is not lost and there is always the transition time into summer but dang today I lost. 

Went to the temple last nite, Jason listened to me and we had popcorn and treats (he is my ever healthy eating sabotage-er) and I decided to skip seeing finding dory so I could be myself and read a book. 

Love my kids. Wondering if they are trying to kill me? We will survive! 

Have so many thoughts about the temple and going to teach a relief society lesson in July about it. I was thinking how many ups and downs over the 17 years I have been consistently attending the temple and what it has meaned to me. How much I know I still will learn. How often I have been able to attend since I live so close to one. Was thinking that I have had every emotion possible in the temple for good or bad during that span but it still is the place that brings the most peace and closest to God that I can be.  Not every time I attend though. Each time has its own experience.  The same with at church. There have been times of sadness, hurt, disappointment, embarrassment, laughter, joy, peace, awkwardness, hunger, headaches, calm, anxiety, love, faith, charity, anger, sleepy, forgiveness, reassurance.... Sometimes I think the temple is kinda like hearing about marriage when you are young. Hear only bliss but then think what this is not as natural or easy as I thought it would be? Shoot I've even fainted at the temple when I was pregnant and didn't eat enough! That was really embarrassing! 

But then the choice is ours. Will we make it a priority? Will we hold on long enough to see those blessings and benefits in our lives? But the temple, like the Savior is always there.  It is His house. Always a place of refuge even if what I'm dealing in my life feels like it will crush me. In the temple I've had the most spiritual moments of my life only tied with the birth of my children. But I have also had some very despondent moments.  But overall, at the temple I find clarity and remember what's really important. I gain perspective. It is my greatest wish for my children to all one day join me there. It's like church but better.  And I know I don't even see all the benefits it brings me. Even if I am yelling and crying a hour before we go. That's usually more the the Norm than the exception cause I get stressed getting everything ready before I go. Shoot just the part of not having my phone with me and being in a quiet reflective space is so worthwhile. 

Last nite especially the temple was filled with such diversity of people and I was reminded of the goodness on the earth. There are lots of people seeking out for truth and trying to be close to God. People looking out for one another and knowing we are all brothers and sisters. 

Ok I know that was some deep thoughts

especially for an initial ranting post. 

Thank you Los Angeles temple for being my true friend. I feel honored to be able to enter your doors. What a beautiful place you are!  I am not nearly perfect but I am trying. And I will be back soon. 

Now back to my life. 

What the girls do during football practice. 

Baylie and Darby learned how to do back walk overs this week which means they are officially better than gymnastics than I ever was!! 

Football is 4 days a week 2 hours a time now. Cramping our style some but wow it's intense. Luke comes home happy as long as he wasn't a lineman the whole time. 

I keep thinking of this president monson quote. May we choose the harder right than the easier wrong. 

Ok my last story. 

So the other day while I was driving on the freeway a car merged into me. We like scraped sides and she kinda was pushing me over. Like in the movies.  So we pulled over. I had two girls with me. I was shaking. We inspected our cars but hers was worse. We were talking about blame and I just said I know it wasn't me and she said well she just wasn't paying attention. I could tell we both didn't want to exchange numbers and I thought mine would rub off. I said to her...' I think our husbands are gonna kill us' and then we laughed and then hugged. And then drove off. My car was maybe a little worse than I thought but I didn't care. Jason thought I was crazy but it was like the day after all the mayhem Orlando with the shooting and the poor boy and the alligator and I thought I just hugged a complete stranger in this big city... The world is still gonna be ok.  


Brandon Walter Evans said...

♡ we are jealous of close temple

Lindsey said...

Oh man, loved your thoughts on the temple and the reflection! That is sad about your car:( but good of you! You are generous and forgiving! Amazing your girls can do back walkovers!! I hope they can teach my girls!!

Nancy Jo said...

Great thoughts on the temple! Sooooo jealous that it is so close! I am impressed that you just hugged that lady and drove off - that is a RS lesson in itself! Your children are amazing athletes!!