This past Sunday I spoke in church. I have known about for two weeks and GROANED about it. Who likes speaking in church anyway? I do love when other people speak in church though. And love that about my church. But not when u do. Plus this topic didn't seem very fun. The problem was I have very real personal experiences with yielding my heart to God but none of which I could share, too personal and private. Then the talk they gave me brought up a bunch of memories I hadn't thought about and was kinda beating myself up about. Because my conversion story, the real one, well I don't really want to share that either. Don't know if I will really ever tell my kids that one maybe when they are ready. See, and you thought I shared everything on my blog?!
so what could I talk about?
husband to the rescue! finally I just was like...Jason what experiences have I had that I can actually share. I feel like i'm just reading her talk I need to make it more personal.
Well he remembered a ton! And they totally worked. I have yielded a bunch. Crap it might even be one of my talents now that I have remembered so much.
Which is so funny cause my default is always to rebel and be mad and say no way. But I always come around. Oh if only I could just react well the first time. But I'm a bit hard headed.
Okay, this is way too much about my talk but I'm not done yet. This was really a big learning experience. So finally I got it down exactly how I wanted it. Not even how I wanted it but I prayed over it very much and felt like it was approved by the Lord and was in line with Him.
Saturday I even said it out loud to myself in my room and totally felt the spirit. It was 18 minutes long which was perfect because it was supposed to be 15-20. Now if only I could just keep myself calm and speak clearly and not fumble my words when I read which is an issue for me.
Sunday comes. Very prayerful. sorta feel sick which is to be expected. Looking out at the congregation, I am among friends at least but wishing more of them would have stayed home (insert crying laughing emoji ;) the man who is speaking after me super super nice guy and helping keep me calm. I'm able to watch and admire my kids from a far which is always pleasant treat ;)
then the more that is happening I realize, crap I'm gonna have to cut down my talk a lot! Lots more announcements and things happening longer than expected and the youth speaker and dang it what am I gonna do? I have tried to cut down and couldn't figure out what would work! But it needs to happen NOW.
So I'm walking up to the podium with my eyes glued on the clock thinking holy heck I need to give this thing in 10 minutes if I am going to be able to leave this other speaker with any time at all (he had said not to worry and use his time but think he was just being polite like i would be but after all that preparation you want to share it)
ANYWAY. I did it. Right then in the moment. Slashed and slashed and slashed and just got the essentials. In that moment I had to figure out WHAT WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING?! Hoping that the spirit would help fill in the gaps but was having a hard time gauging from the audience if they weren't just looking at me like What is this crazy woman saying?
But at least it was over. and the major message hopefully still there.
I sat down.
The other speaker started and did a wonderful job and ours complimented each other and he even said one of the things in his that I had to cut from mine which totally validated my chopping in my mind. How awesome is the Spirit like that? Just fills in all the gaps and holes and makes it sound better!
I was a little sad I didn't give my perfect talk but it was received better than I thought it was. Really so hard to tell when you are up there if anyone is getting it. and I was so grateful I had those 18 minutes in my room by myself to give it to the Lord because HE HEARD IT and thats all that mattered.
I went over it and tried to remember a few days later what I ended up doing and went from 13 pages to 8.
The gospel is so cool. I didn't even know I needed to learn these lessons but GOD is constantly teaching me when I don't put my fingers in my ears.
Sorry I just post pictures of my kids and talk about church stuff the most but really what else is important in life? Cause pressed for time in my few moments of life you really have to cut out the rest.