Change, ahhhh how alluring you seem to be from afar until SMACK!!! here CHANGE is and then its hard! but then you forget it and skip on your merry away and get all cozy and comfortable until SMACK AGAIN!!
so lets just say I have been SMACKED ;)
I AM NO LONGER THE MUSIC LEADER IN PRIMARY!!!!!
I know this may not seem like a big deal, but I really really really liked that 'job' (its volunteer remember folks) at church and found it to be so rewarding. Like really liked it. I loved the ladies I worked with. It was always crazy but we were a team and it was great. And have told everyone I could that I did not want to be moved. For a while.
Did I mention that all FIVE of my kids are now in primary (okay so only for like 2 months since Luke is almost 12, but still its sounds good).
But CHANGE busts its way in whether you want it or not. And as my sister Lindsey reminded me, that is the way LORD also works. When we start getting cozy He shakes it up. He doesn't want us comfortable, HE wants us growing (have I mentioned that I hate to grow? like hate hate, I would prefer slugghood). But nonetheless I am only so much in charge of my life and since I have chosen to dedicate my life to the Savior, I will serve where He wants me to go….
…which is apparently Relief Society (i.e: with the adult women). Now you all know I love Relief Society, after all it is the largest women's organization in the wooooorld!!!! but I do prefer to work with the kids…women can sometimes be dumb.
Why are we so dumb sometimes? We get our feelings hurt, we misinterpret things, we get offended, we whine and complain and judge and gossip and think hateful and …kids just love ya and hug ya and think you are awesome even when you fail. or they forget it two seconds later.
Plus after being a mom for newly 12 years, I have found I have gotten good at kids. I speak their language. I like to make them happy. I like to teach them and watch them learn.
Plus my old calling was very open ended. Are you reading me people, I could pretty much do whatever I wanted as long as the kids were singing. Did you read that? I COULD DO WHATEVER I WANTED! and guess what? I LOVE TO DO WHATEVER I WANT!!! I am a natural rebeller. Shoot that is one of the best parts of being a stay at home mom is the freedom. Which is what you get being in charge of the children's music at church. Build a volcano and have it erupt…YES (as long as it doesn't leak on the carpet). Dress up like hooligan and embarrass myself? YES. Talk in crazy voices and have the kids act goofy? YES! and I still felt like they could feel the spirit and they still learned more about Christ.
Since this might be my last time writing about being a music leader in my life, I'm going on. Very rarely in the church do you get to see the fruit of your labors so tangibly as being the music leader in primary. I could teach them a song they did not know and then hear them sing it with gusto (and sometimes i really mean GUST-O!) I could make primary a fun place for my kids and control a good portion of the content and atmosphere. I liked that!
Now being a nonmusical person in a musical position has its drawbacks. It was very embarrassing to sing in front of the other adults in the room. Very embarrassing sometimes. It was very hard for me to learn the songs sometimes. Some weeks I bombed. Or an idea didn't work. But it was all still worth it and wonderful. I seriously used to joke with myself (do any of you ever have inner jokes with yourself? if not you should try it ;) that my fan club was 11 and under. And that was true man. They were my people.
So when I even heard that I was going to meet with the bishopric (which is code word for you are getting moved, a change is coming your way) I just bawled. And bawled. All morning. And then called my mom and Jason and Lindsey (who had just gotten changed from her calling at her church). And hid in my bathroom for a while so the kids wouldn't know what was up…they still did.
And now somehow four days later I am fine. I am fine with the change.
Maybe its because Ivy was a total pyscho nightmare in primary on Sunday which did not align with the grand finale I had imagined in my head where I would hug every child in the room and I would tell them how much they mean to me and how proud I was of them. Nope instead, Ivy literally escaped twice where I could not even find her she ran away so fast! Then she was rolling around the floor showing everyone her unders, then she was running around the room when everyone else was sitting at least five times where I had have other adults try to coral her so I wasn't just going in circles with her cackling her head off. Oh yes and then she ate the banana I had brought for a prop while smashing the rest of it and was sticking the very chockable magnets in her mouth while I was trying to review the song.
So thank you Ivy, I now very glad to go to Relief Society. Where apparently I need to be remember that I do love women. Because I don't think we are always dumb. I think women can be way awesome. I have a slew of them I love and adore and want to be like and only a few who I am still praying to forgive and not be hurt by myself.
And really its not women, but just people. People can be dumb sometimes. But thankfully there is much much more good than dumb. and nobody is all dumb. We can change. And gosh darn it if there is anything I love as much in the world as my family and Jason it is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and my Savior, Jesus Christ. I love love love it. and Him. And while I am far from perfect and don't really have anything great to teach any of these awesome women, I do have a testimony that is cement strong. That I have worked very hard to get that way and it saves me from everything.
Plus I have some of my favorite people I get to serve with as the President and other counselors. while I am not the most reverent person (cough cough) so as long as they ignore my quirks I think we shall have a grand old time there and hope to do my best. Little does Erin (my new boss) know that my best now is a lot less than it used to be ;) just kidding. Doesn't it seem funny how the busiest people seem to get the most done? Why the heck is that? The Lord fills in the cracks its what I'm thinking. Or helps us grab the balls in the air before they crash on the floor. He blesses us to be able to find the time to do everything we need to and pat us on the back and make us feel great for trying to hard to help Him.
And FYI, they got a fantastic gal to replace me so I know my kids are in good hands. And it will be really nice to not sing in public anymore. Wonder if relief society will allow volcanos? Ooh if i can ever figure out a way to incorporate it into a lesson I will do it ;)