This post should probably be cut from the blog book since I have worked very hard to teach my kids what is right and wrong. Dedicated my life to it even. But it needs to be said today. This little blog has always be therapeutic for me and some weeks ya can't have enough.
I have swore more in the last 48 hours that I have in a long, long time. It was really the only way to describe the situation.
Thankfully none of my children heard me, and have to date only heard the slightest swearing from me (which they were very upset about and which I promised myself I would never do but I also did not anticipate the upsetness I would one day feel in certain situations with my children...there has even needed to be a cash swearing penalty because this summer did me in). Hopefully they will forgive me. Oh I hope all our children forgive us for being imperfect parents. I'm praying that endless love and hugs make up for a lot.
I often wonder what version of my life I will tell them one day. What version of my life am I showing them? Will they remember much what happened in their childhood? Will they notice when their mother was having a difficult time? Hopefully not.
But at the same time I don't want to leave such a sanitary impression (hahah thats impossible!) that they get bamboozled as adults when life is not as rosy as they thought it would be.
Some things should never be told and some things should always be private but I have often debated the idea and believe in acknowledging when things are not perfect. Or when they are hard. Or when we have to work for what is important to us. I can definitely attest that my life is not perfect. Normally I would say, Gah, perfect is boring, who wants it anyway? But sometimes perfect sounds pretty nice.
Do not worry about me please, but always appreciate your prayers as we should always pray for each other since we never know what every human is facing, what demons they are battling and what lessons they are being taught by life. I am always surprised, always. This week alone I found a new hero to look up, another life warrior that I want to be more like. Those people are all around us if we just opened up a bit more.
One day I will die and be totally compassionate, without judgement of others, loving and kind.
That is my goal.
To never get bitter, to never get hardened but whatever we have to face. For whatever hardships we bring ourselves or the ones given to us. Christ is truly the best example....and I sure hope He is understanding of all my swearing this week.
Try, try again. I believe in not quitting even when we really want to.
But I also believe in retail therapy. And stomping our feet and having a good cry and then picking yourself and doing whatever you need to push on and be happy.
Today I'm going to paint my nails, eat chocolate, listen to music and choose happiness every day. I'm going to start exercising again and eating better. I am going to savor and enjoy my family and my many blessings. Every day. So when you see my smile you will know its real, and that I have earned it. No one can take that away from us and we are truly the makers of our life. My mom taught me to be strong and be happy and I hope I will teach the same to my children.
Or if you need to curse, you now know who to call.