Let me tell you a little secret. A number of times a day (depending on the type of day that number can be drastically different) I secretly hope that Jason will come home early and surprise me with help. Or that my fairy godmother shows up (hasn't happened).
Other thoughts I have repeated during the day are,
"How can I do this?"
"What the heck am I going to make for dinner and how am I going to pull that off?"
"I'm too tired, I don't know how I can make it through this day."
"Why does nobody listen to me?" (nobody being the kids who live here under 7)
"How can I do dinner by myself again?"
"How does this place get such a mess?"
"How am I gonna clean up this mess?"
Hopeless...you get me? (its not all day everyday, don't worry) Don't I sound so fun and positive :)
BUT here is the secret. I make it. Somehow at the end of the day, we are all in one piece, the kids get to bed, I survive and hopefully I am not beating myself of how I reacted to it all. Tonite Paisley wouldn't stay in her booster after she had tossed her plate to the floor, she ended up picking at food on my plate while on my lap, but somehow, by a miracle, I managed to find a sense of humor and use Paisley's body in a song that made the kids bonkers laughing while we finished dinner. (if you are desperate, make your baby have a pig nose, its always good for laugh) I would explain it but really it was just funny to us there in the moment and utilized Paisley's head and face as a prop while I moved her facial features and sang silly songs. And they even ate everything. Seriously Luke had four helpings of salad, and the big girls had two, and it wasn't even a good salad cause I whipped it out of thin air (they must just be starving for some type of nutrition, whatever). My key to good eating is get them so hungry they are like crying for dinner (seriously Baylie was crying). Except not really on the brown rice that I was trying to sell to them, but you can't win them all. I was laughing too and everything was okay.
Plus we finished off with dessert of strawberries and cool whip. I don't think my kids have ever had cool whip before and they thought it was amazing. Then we took funny pictures. Even of Baylie's scowling face. Somehow when you take a picture of something that would normally annoy you, it makes it ok. This is important me telling you as the pictures you will get to see at the bottom. Truly, really, every day I have my work cut out for me. Every mother does. Really. Shoot even my brother in medical school does, because life is hard mixed with sprinkles of fun and joy here and there if we can choose to see them. Or make them happen.
Here is another secret, as much as I've wished, the calvary doesn't come, you have to figure it out on your own. Thats okay. Well thats not entirely true because just the other day my neighbor asked if my kids could come over for a bit (HELLLOOO, YES THANK YOU!!!), but mostly you got to rely on yourself. And really I don't mean just yourself because I am desperately praying for help and I know that even if I don't always realize I am getting divine help, I MOST DEFINITELY AM. Cause really how else can stay at home with lots of little children, with a husband working far away and has other responsibilities outside of work (ie: church) maintain semblance of sanity without help from above. Truly I know if anything that my own mother is praying for me too cause I know she is and that there are angels watching over my kids always (one I know is my Grandma Evans). But of course sometimes I forget this. No matter the faith or amount of guardian angels.... messes don't magically disappear, or your husband to miraculously come home early. You can't pretend your sisters lives down the street if they don't, or pretend you can pop over for Sunday dinner with your parents if they are 3,000 miles away, you just have to deal with what you've got.
But the secret is, you can do it. I can do it. You and me (whoever you are). Some days more beautifully than others. Other days, I'm sure Jason thinks he walks in a tornado. But either way, the bad never lasts forever. Even if it feels like a very long time. I won't always be this tired. My body won't be this slow and sensitive. Alls well that ends well. (shoot in June I am getting a beautiful daughter) No matter how I got through the day (whether it be a movie, or chocolate or a nap...ya right on the last one), as long as by the end I am kissing my kids goodnite and telling them a story, tucking them in and saying their prayers, its all okay. The dishes can wait. And believe me they do.
Whenever I see a brand new mom who seems so overwhelmed and frustrated with lack of sleep, I want to tell them (and usually do), don't worry, it will get easier, this doesn't last forever. Some ages are easier than others. This also applies to biting/hitting children, super clingy kids, potty training, not staying in their beds, or whatever else your mind boggling child is doing. All of which, mine have done. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that right now is no different.
I know most of these issues revolve around that I am a stay at home mom, which I know is not for everyone. Some women wouldn't want to do it just as much as I don't want to homeschool. I love being a stay at home mom. Now I didn't say it was easy. What in life is easy? Maybe doing nothing (which is quite awesome sometimes). For me, being a SAHM wasn't an option, I am lucky to do it. Truth be told Jason would have multiple jobs before I'd leave these kids full-time. Also the number of children I have probably contributes to my exhaustion (although I swear I was just as tired when I had two...maybe cause I'm more experienced than I was back then). Even if my life is messy and I'm not sure how I'm going to get it all done (which I never do). I love that I can see my kids as much as I do, but that doesn't mean I have all the answers yet.
Here is one example. So we are having another kid right? Better make room for her. Sometimes I tell myself stuff is going to be no big deal just so I will have the guts to get the ball rolling. Like a mental trick. But making room for this little girl has meant a major rearrange of the house. And its not done.
Yesterday I made major headway (with help of my friend Tiffany who has a very cute house that I would love to copy) but still had lots of work. Here is what I was working with.
What? you can't grasp the messiness? think of exaggerating? Well while I was moving couches and putting in shelves in the bookshelf, my little one year old (cough...Paisley) was tearing things out like a wild dog. A cute dog, but wild. Games cards, crayons, books, toys, puzzles, a mess.
The big girls were just playing in the middle of it. I even caught Darby pretending that crayon's were in love. She told Baylie that the blue crayon was in love with the brown crayon but had to marry this other one. Drama.
Oh wait, I forgot to show you how the nursey is coming. Isn't it lovely? Basically we had to take out a bookshelf (which is currently in the garage) couldn't find a place for it to fit, had to get another one for another room and have been living with all the contents of the very full bookshelf in random spaces in this room and the hall. Its pretty. But I swear, by April we will have it together (when Luke's baptism is, the 9th, mark your calendar you are coming)
But the girls room is making it, still have to put the bunkbed back together in here, buy luke another bed (or mattresses and a metal frame more likely) and redecorate.
Luke's room is in the best shape (except that his bed will soon be the top of the bunkbed). Mostly these pictures are for our family far away so you can say, I'm realizing this might be really boring to most people.
Okay, so got it? Girls playing nicely but what the heck am I going to do about this place? With my slow body and heavy tummy that hurts? My friend Tiffany even said she would come back over to help but you know how when you r house is sooo messy its embarrassing even if she wanted to help? Thats where we were at. (although I have had my friends see my house in various stages of messiest and its always humbling) Ironic that I wouldn't let her come over to see the mess but now I'm posting them on my blog :) ahhaha, I'm so smart.
Love you kids, entertaining yourself with boxes and coloring. Boxes from today's massive trip to Costco where I was sucked into buying everything (another story).
Luke doing his homework. First baseball practice is this Thursday.
Okay, so now its all coming together, what I talked about in the beginning. Somehow I did it. Its clean (I mean its not Misty clean, but comparatively here!)
Now I just need to decorate the top of the new bookshelf, get an end table, a lamp and a rug (or none of that if we don't happen to get to it)
Paisley enjoying her cool whip and strawberries.
Darby being silly
Is that a happy Baylie or what (crap I need to stop being so sarcastic)
Thank you heart shaped box friends. You helped me survive the last two days. Even end up enjoying them as should be. I read on a healthy blog that the 17th chocolate doesn't taste as good as the first few, well that is the stupidest thing I ever heard cause I enjoyed each one (except the gross ones that I left).
Okay, if you made it this far, gold star for you. What a mouthful that was. Now if I can only remember all this tomorrow, because really, in my life, how long does a clean room last? About two minutes.
Is this a cute dress or what? Pockets would make it perfect, although I never spend this much on dresses. Would look cute on my sisters too (although not sure if its Courtney's style). http://shabbyapple.com/p-931-north-shore.aspx
Although this one will go more with my current figure http://shabbyapple.com/p-454-mama-mia.aspx, if it was like $40.
ps. Jason just walked in the door, took a look at the downstairs and laughed. Cause its a disaster. Didn't get to that room yet :) Now you can really imagine.