I am not a Magician

I am not an Octopus.
I am not a Magician.
There is only one mom and three (now four) kids.
I only have two hands.
I would love to, but I'm holding your sister.
Yes I can, but you have to wait your turn.

These are the annoying things I say to my kids when they all need me at the same time. Its also what I chant to myself most the day. One of the reasons why I cannot have a 'real job' and be a mom too. Because I am not a magician. I can't do everything.

Today was hard.

Sometime before Saturday morning I have to transform my house into 'baby shower clean'. See what I'm up against? Like 'lots of people are coming over and they dont' want to have to kick away toys when they walk clean'. Like 'wasn't it spic and span on Monday when grandma was still here, how they heck does it go downhill so fast' is what I'm thinking really. And I don't know how I'm going to do it all. That is hard.

Not really hard all day, but it ended hard and that is what I'm remembering as I have a headache, watching the Office and eating Nutella (operation starvation failed today).

I am someone who considers herself a master multi-tasker. I can multi-task with the best of them. I might have a lost cell phone right now and over charges on my bill, but dang it I can multi-task. But I suck at cleaning.

Back to today. There really were some wonderful moments. But its funny that you don't remember those, you just remember how it ended up. Frustrated and tired. So here is me trying to remember the wonderful parts. Like when all three girls napped at the same time and I had to wake them up to pick up Luke from school. Or when Luke was practicing his presentation and the girls wanted to do it like him too (it was reciting Humpty Dumpty). Or I know that Paisley loves her bath. Or when the girls were dancing to music in the living room. Or when we sang songs. Or how I worked out in the morning and came home feeling strong and healthy. Like how cute that Paisley is. Baylie's hugs and no peeing on the floor today. But I'm really hoping that when I get to heaven (not for a very long time I hope) that there is a video of everything I see right now. Like the funny expressions my kids make, or how cute they are when they sleep. Because I can't possibly take pictures of everything, and have already forgotten so much. So there better be some good footage I can look at...that is after I've destroyed about 30 or 40 videos of myself less than my best.

But back to today. As smart as I try to be, I am not a magician. Even when I think I'm smart and start making chili at 9 a.m because Baylie, I mean Paisley, is sleeping then and might not be later on. Because then nobody wants chili (not even me) and so I'm slapping together noodles and a salad with one hand and holding a screaming baby in my arms. That is hard to do. Especially when two of them are screaming. Very very loud.

But my kids were so cute and told me ten times how yummy this dinner was and 'it was the best dinner ever.' Because they understand that its hard for me sometimes and that I can't do it all right now. And really, if you are starving enough, anything tastes good.

But its really hard to know what to do when Luke has a hard time when he comes home from school every day (is he hungry? is he tired? why is he so cranky?) or when Baylie wears no clothes 90 % of the day and screams constantly. Sometimes I just don't know.

Like how does Luke all of the sudden have no pants but one that fit him? So we venture, all five of us, to Kohl's for some pants. I lay down the rules, "This is not a park. Stay close to me. Please be on your best behavior. I don't want to lose you." Yadda yadda yadda. And what happens? Total chaos and mayhem. And we lost one of Baylie's shoe. And probably every employee and shopper knows my kids name as I was yelling to find them in between all the very narrow aisles and clothes. Stores are so stupid, they have like a million potential hiding places and are just really dumb with kids. Stupid stores.

And sometimes its hard to bathe all the kids while holding a baby. Especially when I have mounds and mounds and mounds and mounds of clothes to fold on my bed.

So I ran to Costco the second Jason got home so I could get there before they close cause we had no milk, no chicken, no veggies, no fruit (how did this happen so fast?) and I have a baby shower at my house on Saturday that I have to get ready for. So I loaded up my cart. And unloaded when I came home. Boy is that a pain in the butt.

And I caved and bought more Nutella. Because this has been what my diet as been like this week.

Wake up. Exercise. Drink lots of water. Drink protein shake. Starve most the day. Polish off ten mini candy bars from Halloween. Repeat next day.

Because those mini candy bars can be eaten with one hand and not much else can. Like its hard to cut an onion with one hand.

But there is some good. Lots of good. Like how cute they are with their little sister. And how much they help me and love to tell me how much they love me. Or when they try to show me how smart they are. Or when Darby and Baylie play Mom and Baby. That is pretty cute. Or puppies. They play a lot of pretend puppies.

So when the day ends hard and I can't remember all the good, I sit at my computer and download the pictures I took today and remember how stinking cute they are. When they aren't being big old stinkers that is. Even if they refuse to wear clothes or let me brush their hair. Or when I want to just give up. Because I am not a magician, I am just me. A crazy lady with really cute kids. Good thing too cause they are usually naked with unbrushed hair.



Meet Stinker #1 and Stinker #2



oh you can see my ring in this picture, i don't think i have any pictures of my ring.



Baylie rocking how to my ipod. Very cute.



Paisley can now rock in the swing without crying when she is awake. She just checks out the world and that is very helpful.



See I told you they were cute. And so good with her.
She hasn't been dropped yet. Knock on wood.



More loving smooshes. Everyone needs some smooshes now and then.



But the bottom line is my husband deserves an award. Because if he can put up with me everyday and still make me laugh then he gets a medal. Seriously a trooper. Him and my grandpa. I don't care if my grandpa never goes to church, because after being such a loyal, supportive husband, to a wife that I'm probably way too similar too and not in a good way, he gets my vote straight to heaven man. So kuddos to you grandpa. you and Jason.



This may not be clean to you but its pretty clean to me. And I didn't even yell to get it like that. I guess its going to be okay. Especially since Tamara Fackrell just said she'd be my friend on Facebook. How cool is that?