Today I did something really not smart.
Jason's sister from AZ came into town kind of last minute and so we went to the beach today.
But it was like the first time in a while the weather was really pretty. Not windy, and the water was a warm 61 degrees.
The kids were playing great so I decide I'm going to go in the water and see if I can boogie board. Afterall I took Misty boogie boarding for the first time when she was pregnant and she did fine. I grew up hearing how my mom snow skied 8 months pregnant. More than once. I come from tough genes right? I'm a young 30.
Well it was freezing. And I got about up to my waist and started to turn back, when my sister in law called me a chicken from the shore.
Well I'm no chicken, I'm just really dumb. Cause of course now I was really going to do it.
So I get my butt out there and finally catch one wave....
Yay, this is fun. So I see my 10 year old niece who has the other boogie board and she points the other way, so I realize how far the current has pushed us. So I walk the shore to start farther up so I don't drift so far down.
Well, I get out in the water, pretty far, but not the farthest. But pretty far. What happens?
No waves. Hmmm...Where did they go. Cause Zuma has good waves. I'll just wait. Maybe I'll see a dolphin. Trying just to enjoy nature and don't worry what could be in the water. I should add that I'm thinking how I'm going to tell little Paisley how I boogie boarded when she was in my belly, maybe write it in her baby book and that will be cool.
Well, if you ever find yourself in this situation here are my tips.
1. don't boogie board by yourself.
2. don't boogie board too far out without fins, when you are very pregnant.
3. don't do stuff just cause someone calls you chicken
4. don't ever think you are cool cause mother nature will teach you a lesson
5. if the waves stop....GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THERE CAUSE ITS A RIP TIDE YOU DUMMY
So back to the story...I'm hanging tight, and then this kid yells to be, TURN AROUND, RIP TIDE.
And then I see the biggest wave ever, just as it crashed down on me.
So then I proceed to spin and spiral in the waves, with my boogie board whipping around me.
See light, gulp air.
Oh yeah, I forgot the part where this enormous waves gives me the biggest wedgie ever.
Another wave crashed.
See light, gulp air, whipped around in waves and boogie board that is attached to my arm.
Crash wave...spin around gulp..."On no, I'm in trouble"
Which leads me to tip #6....
DO NOT TAKE THAT BOOGIE BOARD OFF YOUR ARM CAUSE THAT IS REALLY DUMB. EVEN THOUGH IT IS WHIPPING AROUND YOU, IT IS YOUR ONLY FLOTATION DEVICE AND YOU NEED THAT SUCKER.
But I did and I'm dumb and that little boogie board made it back to shore in about 2 seconds.
But I did not. I was getting mulched by these big waves and thinking I was really stupid.
And getting panicky....and vaguely recalling my triathlon in the ocean which is the last time I felt panicky in deep dark, cold ocean water....but then there were people all around.
So I just knew I had to get to shore or those lifeguards were going to have to get me.
And I think Paisley was yelling at me, "YOU ARE SO STUPID WOMAN, I WANT TO BE BORN LADY!" That and how the bad the headlines would be about a drowning pregnant woman who just wanted to boogie board.
About now I'm thinking how small I really am in this big old ocean. How even if I think I'm pretty strong and pretty athletic, I'm toast to these waves. And those rip tides are real.
But that shore got closer and closer.
And those two lifeguards waiting for me got closer and closer.
And I realized when I got in shallower water they were going to see how dumb I really was...to risk my little daughter to go boogie boarding. Cause I only have two months left before this little girl gets to breathe her first breath. Just two months almost to the day. Irresponsible.
So when I stepped on that sand, I grabbed my board and the lifeguard put his hand on my shoulder and asked me if I was okay. And I just said, "That was not really smart."
And he said, "Just don't go out so far and you'll be fine."
Yay right, like I think I'm done for today.
When I finally made it back to Jason I was pretty shaken up. When I saw him all I wanted to do was crawl into his lap, but instead I plopped on the towel and just cried in my towel. I couldn't even tell them what happened for a few minutes. Just nodded to their questions. My girls came and laid by me for a while. I looked into their beautiful eyes and think of what I could have lost. (Not lost forever mind you but how I want to see them here and now, not from heaven) Because they need their mother. And I am their mother. I hoped Paisley was okay and wondered when will my heart would go back to normal beating...probably not good for her either.
the other think i kept thinking was DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB YOU ARE DUMB.
But here is the funny part.
Yes there is a funny part. Its me afterall.
So while I'm barely gripped the board, looked like I just got whipped in the ocean, walking back to my family (I was about a lifeguard station away) who had no idea that I almost died...or felt like I was going to...which is not a fun feeling. Well in my clear thinking (sarcasm) I spot a big shovel that my kids had dropped on the beach so I pick that up too. Cause I can't lose a shovel. No no no.
But the funny part was about an hour later I'm sitting next to my sister in law Erin and bust out laughing cause right next to the shovel I picked up was our actual shovel.
So I stole a shovel. Some poor kid's shovel. In my crazy walk back to the umbrella I stole some kids shovel. I must have looked crazy. This big old belly lady who is drenched stealing kids shovels. I wonder if they kids saw me or their parents.
And I did not give it back or try to find its real owner cause there was no way I was getting off that towel the rest of the time.
But Jason didn't know it wasn't ours and took it home. So I have a souvenir now. My almost drowning - Brooke-is-really-dumb-souvenir. I'm a crazy shovel stealer.
The moral of the story. I love you little Paisley and I'm very sorry girl. Your mama will try to be not quite so dumb. You are way more special than my pride.