seriously sappy

I forgot how much I liked to write my thoughts on my blog.  And finally had something to say.

Every once in a while, I get a little sad about  opportunities and activities and talent development that my wonderful kids are missing out because money is the issue for our family. (that and my mental health because oh vay can't even imagine if they were all very busy in extra curricular activities).

This happened this week as I was hearing about the neat idea things that my friends kids were doing.  At first I thought to myself, how are they doing it?  I mean we make pretty good money and still do not have room for stuff like this at all?  Where is my money going?  But then I thought well I know where my money is going, all the places I am telling it to go and I'm pretty dang amazing at my budget if I do say so myself (Jason would probably say I could improve in some areas ;)  but from where I came from which was zero, I have gotten into some great, lasting habits.

Well anyway, I do not like feeling jealous.  I hate it.  and I know its not healthy, or even real for that matter, because hello we are so blessed in so many ways and my kids do not want. But every so often I think wow how great that they would be at such in such if we could develop that talent or put time and money into that...because I think I have the most talented wonderful children like any good mother thinks their children can do anything they want to!  But I have steered them away and avoided mentioning a few key interests because there is really no point because our life cannot do it.  And that is okay.

So this week I was feeling that and even more so feeling like I really needed to talk to someone about it, but didn't know who else was in my boat?  Is there anyone feeling like their kids are missing out?  Is there anyone who lives like me (seriously dramatic and know that again first world problems for sure) but at the time I couldn't think of anything.  Because guess what?  no one has our exact same life.

So what did I do?  Well I knew I needed to immediately get out my gratitude journal that the spirit had told me to start as preventative (and of course I haven't been writing in it lately) but also to help in times just like these.  So I listed all my wonderful blessings, and tucked those negative feelings aside that my kids were getting short changed in some way being in our family as opposed to someone else.  and I felt better.  And reading my scriptures always makes me feel better so I have been really good about this especially during a high stress week like this one (dang PTA ! :)

Okay, so fast forward a few days.

I got the best news last nite ever.  I found out from the stake president that I get to meet the General Relief Society president Sister Bingham next friday nite!  Which is really honestly a dream come true because those ladies are my hero.  Seriously like the neatest thing to me.  And then the thought popped into my head...hey Brooke this is FREE!  The best things totally are free!  and I have seriously been smiling and half crying to myself throughout the day today that I get this opportunity and how happy I am for it!

Okay, so then the next thing is. while I was prepping dinner today at 10 a.m. like only mothers do the thought came to me that I had already made my choice.  I am giving them me!!!

So here is the part you can listen to my dear children!  I'm am sorry if it is not what you wanted and you would have rather been a great dancer or amazing gymnast but my gift to you in your life is ME! All of me.  All my time and energy and yes that means we have had to make sacrifices because I am not working because your dad and I thought it was so important for me to be home with you and I love it and would not want to do anything else!  It is my most favorite thing in the world and makes me most happy (even though I'm sure I seem mad and drill sergeant-y much of the time sorry about that) but I am giving you me!  Now lots of other moms have figured out how to do both and bring in more money or have a talent for balancing but that is not me and I hope you are okay with that.  And if you aren't well then you can do whatever you want in your own family and fix what I didn't do right.

But I hope you know on this mothers day weekend that being your mom is the greatest thing of my life and gives me such pride to see you blossom into the wonderful people you are.  Thank you for cheering me, and cheering me on, for the endless hugs and forgiveness.  I love you forever and always and I love your dad extra most because he gave me you all too and has been on the same page with how you are raised and assured me that you are not missing out even if you don't get to do everything and luckily you still have lots of life after you leave our home to pursue whatever  is your hearts desire!

That is about it.  And always amazes me for such a confident woman I am that self doubt can creep in so much so glad God has given me tools to kick it the heck out!

Now I'm going to go make some lunch :)

(And it goes without saying that every good mothering wisdom and confidence I have is because of my own dear mother who gave me herself and so so much xoxo)