and this is probably why cause instead of cleaning i'm typing on my computer. Really i'm just trying to not have my head explode. And yet I love my life. I think its wonderful, fantastic. But that does not necessarily mean I know what I'm doing.
I keep telling my kids that there is THIS _____________________________________________________ MUCH TO DO!
and only _______ this much time or this ____ much money. and so we have to make choices on what we can do.
So right now I'm debating the swim lesson, dance, gymnastic, sports thing…and feeling a little down cause I can't give my kids everything but then I swear the spirit bonks me on my head and says,
1ST WORLD PROBLEMS BROOKE. 1ST WORLD PROBLEMS.
your children have a warm bed and parents that love them and plenty and food and we are blessed.
sooooo maybe not having any olympians. and maybe they would have been the most amazing ever at this or that if I could have invested the time and money into them because i think they are super talented and could have gone far in whatever we pursued but AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
at least not a stay at home mom whose church calling is like a part time job even though I get much satisfaction and fulfillment from it and and one income and husband who commutes bla bla bla lots of bazillion reasons why we can't be everything but what we have is wonderful. Even if I want to burn the whole place down like every other day.
so I only have like ten minutes before I have to pick up the kids and whip darby to another school for band practice and then start fixing dinner for the missionaries but wahooo i wouldn't have it any other way. crazy is great and wonderful and that doesn't mean perfect. perfect is totally boring.
and the thing that slapped me in the face this week was realizing I had a disease. not the one I get shots for but another one I've probably had my whole life. its like I THINK EVERYONE LIKES ME DISEASE! and ouch it hurts when I realize its not true! but then I think this disease only exists in bodies WHO ACTUALLY LIKE EVERYONE EVEN THE HARD TO LIKE ONES. which is why its so shocking to me when I get corrected about that.
and even though i love my husband dearly (something i have fought long and hard to maintain after 15 years of marriage) sometimes I think we are living on different planets. and we sort of are because we both barely see each other and have very full lives that barely intersect but they are both doing really good things. necessary even. so if the one time we go on a date doesn't match up perfectly like how it should in my head I sort of lose it until I went to church two weeks ago and not joking during sacrament God told me FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS BROOKE. Nepal is like desimated and you can't get over a poor date?
So see I'm a very diseased woman who is trying her best to live life. And you can be happy which I am, diseases and all. So here are some more diseases I think I might have. Some I don't know if I will ever be cured of but can still can have a perfect lovely life with them all.
INAPPROPRIATE EXPECTATIONS OF FOOD DISEASE
NOT PUTTING MYSELF FIRST ENOUGH DISEASE
BEING A CRABBY PANTS MOM AND FREAKING OUT ON EVERYONE DISEASE
EMOTIONAL EATING DISEASE
BIRTHDAYS SHOULD BE MAGICAL DISEASE
WHY CAN'T WE EVER GO ON VACATION ENVY DISEASE?
GUILT IS MY MIDDLE NAME DISEASE
NOT LEARNING TO NOT TAKE MY KIDS TO TARGET DISEASE UNLESS THERE IS JUST ONE OF THEM BECAUSE WE ALWAYS LEAVE UNHAPPY
MISSING REAL CABLE DISEASE EVEN THOUGH WE BARELY WATCHED IT ANYMORE
PEOPLE PLEASER DISEASE
MAKE THINGS MORE COMPLICATED THAN THEY NEED TO DISEASE
LOVE BEING LAZY DISEASE
BATHS ARE MY THERAPY DISEASE
CANNOT GO TO BED AT A REASONABLE TIME WHEN I'M READING A GOOD BOOK DISEASE
WHY DOESNT MONEY GROW ON TREES DISEASE
REMEMBER WHEN MY BLOG WAS MUCH MORE FUNNY DISEASE
CANNOT ORGANIZE FOR THE LIFE OF MY DISEASE
HIGH EXPECTATIONS FOR MY CHILDREN CAUSE I THINK ITS GOOD FOR THEM DISEASE BECAUSE MY PARENTS HAD THEM TOO AND IT WORKED
TRYING SO HARD TO LIVE ON CHOCOLATE DISEASE
LIPSTICK CAN CURE ANYTHING DISEASE
NO SUCH THING AS TOO BIG OF BOWL OF ICE CREAM DISEASE
FIVE KIDS IS THE BEST NUMBER DISEASE EVEN IF YOUR HOUSE IS ALWAYS MESSY
WISHED I LIVED CLOSER TO MY FAMILY DISEASE SO I'M GOING TO BRAIN WASH MY CHILDREN TO STAY BY ME
TRYING TO GIVE MY CHILDREN THE MOST MAGICAL CHILDHOOD EVER DISEASE
THINKING I CAN NEVER MEASURE UP TO MY MOTHERS MAGICAL CHILDHOOD THAT SHE GAVE US DISEASE AND BIRTHDAY BONANZA LEGACY
WHY MAKE IT WHEN YOU CAN BUY IT DISEASE
WATCHING MOVIES MAKES DOING LAUNDRY SO MUCH BETTER DISEASE
MY MINIVAN IS MORE GHETTO THAN YOURS DISEASE
I AM PRETTY MUCH CHURCH LADY DISEASE
okay, thats all the ones I can think of at the moment. obviously i'm a plagued woman. hopefully you are too so we can hang and commiserate.
Also, Chris Ranson it has been on my list to do forever to call you so if you are still reading my boring blog please check in with the McCoys. thank you very much :)