I really need to go to bed? Why am I never smart and go to bed? Sometimes I swear I am…sort of smart I mean.
Like I finally conquered my fear of family history. I was terrified actually.
Its so weird to be scared of something that shouldn't be that scary but you don't get to pick what scares you. And I have tried to get over it. but the different programs, the sheets, just all of it, didn't know where to begin and every time I tried I wanted to cry and felt all panicky. This has been years. Years! like five easily maybe more I've had this weird phobia.
So i would give up for a bit and then feel the draw to learn more about it.
Finally, lindsey said just print those dang sheets I emailed to you like two years ago and put it in the binder. You can do that at least right? Okay so maybe she didn't say it like that but thats how it sounded in my head.
And so I thought, I will print those sheets.
another week pasts. or two I can't remember.
Email won't open document.
call lindsey to ask to resend.
open it up, holy crap its like 85 pages!
go to finally print the dang sheets and can only print half and my ink runs out.
(actually now that I recall I printed half, ink ran out, left on my desk for a few MORE weeks and then finally over spring break got more ink so I could print the rest and put it in the binder…which shows i'm even a bigger procrastinator!)
bought some page protectors.
convinced darby and luke and baylie it was fun to help put pages into page protectors with me in order while I numbered them. didn't convince them but made them do it anyway, bless that darby she is always willing!
pages finally in binder, hooray hooray now I do a victory dance.
So I say a prayer out loud to God and my ancestors. Okay, I'm going to try and do this or look at these or something, please will you all help me and make it easy for me so I don't get frustrated because if you want me to do this I'm going to need all of your help. Did you hear that extended family?
So I opened up that binder and picked a random spot.
And looked at the names that were on there and tried to find where they were on my family tree in familysearch.org (ancestry still terrifies me at this point although I like the app better). Found them. Well how about I check to see if all the information is right? Wait what? some of it is missing. A spouse not listed or sibling (I can't even remember which was my first name cause my bad memory).
But the point is I found my first name to take to the temple in about five minutes.
I was hooting and hollering and calling my sister! I found one! I found one! And all of the sudden it all clicked for me.
No scary, no phobia, just fun.
and within a few days I have like 25 waiting to be printed off at the temple for me. All from my family tree who can use to accept or not the ordinances I perform for them. And I'm going to take Luke and Jason with me too.
Speaking of Jason, of course when this happened I wanted to go to the temple like right then. Like that second. Cause my family had been waiting over 120 years or something and I didn't think they should have to wait longer. But Jason said we can't its too busy. (this is an on going theme with us, and the fundamental difference between us I am a strike while I iron is hot and he is a lets plan this out properly no rushing things…It can be a bit difficult sometimes ;)
But I called the temple and with Jason's schedule and theres we do have to wait another week which is killer for me but oh well.
But wow. So this is what my sister has been talking about all these years?
And it just made me wonder if that is why I had such phobia and fear? Cause the adversary knew I would be so good at it and love it when it finally clicked together for me? I'm thinking maybe so. Are all the things we might be so good at so so scary at first? Cause God wants us to thrive and succeed and Satan wants to stagnate and wither?
So like the iron-striker that I am I called up the family history person in my ward and asked if we could be in the class. cause they just changed the program where you get one on one help with your research. which is what I much prefer because now I have all these questions!! before I didn't even know what questions to ask?!! and that part was so frustrating too. I didn't even know what was the very first step!
So what was the very first step for me? Just to print those papers and find a binder. And thats about all I could handle and do.
your first step might be just to call your mom and ask her about your grandparents. Who knows I don't know but all I know is mine had to be tiny step.
Tonite for family home evening we drew some of our family tree on the big chalkboard. And showed how Nana's mom is Iris Nance and her dad is Jack Dalton and my dad's mom is Mildred Hanni and his dad is John Coffin Evans. And then how Grandma McCoys moms name is Vera and his dad is Robert and how Grandma McCoys mom was Ruth Talmadge but she died and he married lovely Levonne. and Grandma McCoys dad is CB Harston who was a patriarch and served 7 missions! and then we talked about great grandpa Walter Hanni who came here from Switzerland because his family disowned him for joining the Mormon church and his dad was the chief of police there and he never saw them again. And that grandpa John C Evans's dad was also John C Evans but his wife was Virginia. And that remember that neat story I told you kids about your great, great, great, great Grandmother Rebecca Jane Humphreys who was from Alabama? (nobody did). You know the one who moved to Mexico with her husband only to have him die shortly after and so she had to save money with her eight kids to make it back to America and they didn't have food to eat when they traveled but then the fellow passengers finally caught on and started to share with them so they would have something to eat.
And then I randomly flipped in that lucky old binder and started reading Elizabeth Evan's journal entries from 1846. And she talked of her children and of sewing and life and her health and she just seemed so real. And then the more I read the more I saw Wow what a faith filled woman she was! All she referenced was God and trying to follow Him and she went to different churches with her friends and no she was not Mormon (even though the church was organized by then it was still pretty small) she was in Washington DC but I just thought this totally seems like my family. This is the kind of women we are. Faith filled women who love God and our family and trying to help others. And I started to cry. And I said to my children, I am sure she is just the kind who was so glad to have her temple work done and then Jason looked her up on family search and it was my sister who had done hers.. .In Kona, Hawaii. and I bet Elizabeth was thrilled. and one day I can't wait to meet her. And I just said to the kids, we used to know these people, like a big old family in Heaven! And one day we will see them again. and then Darby said, family history is cool! and I said, yes Darby, is sure is.