Just thinking about how I spent my last few moments of 2009.
At 11:30 Jason, Erin and Rob and I finally decided it was time to hit the hay--afterall it was already 2010 Arizona time. I was okay because this was about an hour later than I usually stay up on New Year's.
So I'm lying in bed with a lamp on and I just read one chapter out of my new scriptures Jason got me for Christmas. I picked up this book that I had been reading this week, I was about 1/3 way through. The book was a long one and I was really getting into it. Its about India and I love all things Indian. Anyway, it was recommended by a friend.
Its 11:56 p.m. and I finished this one paragraph that was just gross. And inappropriate. And not something I wanted to remember and definitely not something I wanted to read. So... I just ripped out a handful of pages out of the book.
No more of this book, I thought. Its crap. I mean, its really well written and has won all these awards and perfectly depicts life how horrible life is in the caste system and I really wanted to know what happened to the characters and who ends up being the love interest they tell about on the cover, but enough was enough.
Because this wasn't the first gross part of the book. More like the 5th or 7th or something I don't even know. Little tiny bits here in there. But collectively the book would have been an R and I don't watch R rated movies so why would I read an R rated book?
But I kept defending it in my head and making excuses cause my friend loved it (and I've loved every other book she's suggested). I bought it and am cheap. Plus I haven't read a book in a long time, bla bla bla.
At that moment there was just such a large disconnect between the scriptures I had just been reading moments before and this crap I was reading right now that enough was enough.
So I kept ripping pages. Wads and wads of pages, like a crazy woman ruining the book that I paid for (and I probably only buy a few books a year for myself to put it in perspective).
Hands full of pages I ripped out, while Jason has a pillow over his head asking, "What are you doing? That is so loud!" because he was trying to sleep. But I wanted nobody else to ever read this either and I was planning on dumping it in the recycle because that is all it was good for.
Now another person might read this book at think its a perfectly fine read. But not for me.
#1 I am a stay at home mom who is not infiltrated by cussing co-workers who tell dirty jokes--pretty much I can chose what I let in to my life except when I'm in public or what I overhear in the grocery line or the company I keep.
#2 There were clues early on. When I encountered the first in appropriate 'blip' I was just glad to have not bought it for my mother in law. Never would I want my children to pick it up and read it. Within the first 100 pages I had thought about taking a Sharpie and blacking out a paragraph before.
#3 I'll just consider myself lucky to be sensitive enough to the Spirit that this bothers me. Even if it takes me a long time to rip it up. I'm very slow.
So that is what I resolve to do in 2010. Rip out more pages of books if I have to. Sooner than I just did. Or prevent that from being necessary and not wait til the 4th or 5th urge I get to act--whether that be music or TV or movies or books. Because I know it when something is not good. But lots I choose to ignore.
A great thought my sister in Hawaii told me was,
"Did you know if you are grumpy that means you are not grateful?"
Huh, I thought about that. She then said she gave a talk on gratitude at church and that is what she learned. She'd been grumpy after the move and it just means she wasn't grateful. That's what she told me.
Something definitely to ponder in the new year. So I said, " So after I had Paisley and hated everyone in the world that meant I was ungrateful or was it raging excessive hormones?". I can't remember what she said back.
But the point is...grumpy = ungrateful. So lets all be grateful people so won't be so grumpy.
Now off to recycle that dang book.
And no I'm not telling you what book it is. If you come across it, you'll just have to listen to that voice inside you telling you to put it down. Hopefully you'll do it sooner than I did.
Oh and don't worry, I'm going to have a big happy post coming soon. Possibly today if I can squeeze in time. But I have to run, I hear kids waking up.