Monday, March 1, 2010

Trying to Enjoy My Life...




Its been a rough couple of days...weeks...months. I'm still adjusting to being the mother of all these children. Why of why did I not take one child development class? Or freaking home economics! Or learn to keep my room clean. Because really I knew this was the life I wanted, I just wish I had better prepared for it. I feel like the least organized person on the planet with the biggest job. Because I'm (and Jason too) teaching these kids (directly or indirectly), creating memories and establishing a foundation for the rest of their lives.... no pressure there. But I feel the pressure.

I have been having a hard time doing it. Maintaining my household. Loving, teaching, cleaning, shopping, hugging, encouraging, more cleaning and you are never finished. But really my job is to keep them fed, safe and loved. Wait, and clean too. They should be sort of clean. So that one day they will be respectable, contributing, independent adults. It sounded so much easier in theory! Especially when I feel that the things I am good at aren't necessarily the things I'm doing right now. Holy cow, how much I never realized I'd need to know about buying groceries!

But I better learn quick,right. Because I'm in the thick of it and need to meet the demands of my life. So if I don't call you back, please know that I am trying. Trying to be an engaged mother, trying to be run this house, trying to stay happily married and what I'm finding out is that really these four little guys need me most (and Jason....although he's pretty easy).

So I'm trying to enjoy my life more. Which is why we watched this four hour movie (while folding clothes, eating, organizing my desk, holding babies, feeding babies, etc). I couldn't be more tickled that my kids love it as much as I do, even though its all subtitled and I didn't translate very much. But it was wonderful. Good contender for my favorite movie, but you know how I love all things Indian. Thanks Emily, I need to get it back to you!

I know I'm blessed. I know I am lucky. But that sometimes doesn't make me remember when I feel overwhelmed with my responsibilities. A woman is always thinking. We never stop thinking. While we are folding the clothes we are planning the next meal, or thinking who needs shoes, or what assignment is due, or listening in for trouble making or fighting siblings... And that is just in five minutes. I really never knew. A mother never rests do they? Even in our sleep we have an ear out...

So please forgive me if I don't answer the phone. Or call you back fast. I cannot do it all and I'm trying my best. But there is a time for everything, just not everything all the time isn't that what they say. So be patient with me and I'm trying to manage this home of six. Its hard running the show around here. Especially on very little sleep.

I have a really sick baby today. All of the sudden. Sickness comes so fast and its no fun to feel helpless while your baby is fighting it off. But thankful after a very long talk with my mom, I am going to try to appreciate my life more. We only get one shot at it.

The goal for right now. Do nothing that doesn't make my life easier. My kids life. Our life. Because we are in it together, for the long haul. So we are going to enjoy each other (that is code for not being so mean and crabby...me, i've been the mean crabby one). Its a humble job. No worldly rewards. No fame and glory. But I know it is worth it. The hugs and kisses from my kids make it worth it. So here's to simplifying and learning quick. Wish me luck.

9 comments:

Tanya said...

you are an awesome mom, sometimes it is so hard to simplify, why is that? I think you are doing great!!

Nash said...

my husband and i watched that movie when we were at byu. it was part of one of his asian culture classes. we liked it, but it was so long. funny.

Renee said...

I think we are twins right now. Weve had this discussion. I know you are doing your best and I know I am. It's nice to know it's not just me that feels this way. Stay positive my friend. You are WONDERFUL!

Lindsey said...

Such a big job! And as the big sis, you always get to do the hardest things first! You go through it and then teach us how to do it:). Have some faith. Go read Ether 12:27. I hope Paisley feels better and sleeps all night for you!! Love you and we are on countdown to come see you!!

Crazy Lady said...

Renee, being twins with you is a great compliment. now when am i going to LOOK like your twin!

thanks for the scripture linds, that is a good one.

Mrs. Anderson said...

You're FIFTH paragraph is oh so true!!!!!!

christy said...

i feel the same way Brooke. trying to be happier and not let the messes or incomplete assignments bother me because in the end it matters most that they are loved and know it right? but at the same time you want to teach them to be responsible. hard balance to get without getting frustrated and crabby.

No Longer Newlyweds. said...

OK...you're scaring me. I'm about to be a first time mom, so I'm up for a HUGE adjustment. We think we want 3...so life will be crazy from here on out.
You should write a list of things you've learned about being a mom. I am very curious in how this journey of trying to enjoy your life more will work out...make sure to keep blogging about it. We will all enjoy and learn from your progress.

You can do it. You are already a great mom...so I'm not sure what you can do better! =)

Sara Jane said...

Love this post Brooke. You said a lot of things that have been on my mind. I am so impressed with what you DO accomplish--you're a Rock Star for having 4..maybe our homes will never be perfectly clean until more of the kiddos are in school.

One thing that I've learned with that challenge is that I can do more no matter how tired I feel (as far as the cleaning the house goes).

With my VTeaching I'm a total drop off some treats and spend time with my people at church. Bad I know, but it's what I can handle right now.