Monday, March 1, 2010
Trying to Enjoy My Life...
Its been a rough couple of days...weeks...months. I'm still adjusting to being the mother of all these children. Why of why did I not take one child development class? Or freaking home economics! Or learn to keep my room clean. Because really I knew this was the life I wanted, I just wish I had better prepared for it. I feel like the least organized person on the planet with the biggest job. Because I'm (and Jason too) teaching these kids (directly or indirectly), creating memories and establishing a foundation for the rest of their lives.... no pressure there. But I feel the pressure.
I have been having a hard time doing it. Maintaining my household. Loving, teaching, cleaning, shopping, hugging, encouraging, more cleaning and you are never finished. But really my job is to keep them fed, safe and loved. Wait, and clean too. They should be sort of clean. So that one day they will be respectable, contributing, independent adults. It sounded so much easier in theory! Especially when I feel that the things I am good at aren't necessarily the things I'm doing right now. Holy cow, how much I never realized I'd need to know about buying groceries!
But I better learn quick,right. Because I'm in the thick of it and need to meet the demands of my life. So if I don't call you back, please know that I am trying. Trying to be an engaged mother, trying to be run this house, trying to stay happily married and what I'm finding out is that really these four little guys need me most (and Jason....although he's pretty easy).
So I'm trying to enjoy my life more. Which is why we watched this four hour movie (while folding clothes, eating, organizing my desk, holding babies, feeding babies, etc). I couldn't be more tickled that my kids love it as much as I do, even though its all subtitled and I didn't translate very much. But it was wonderful. Good contender for my favorite movie, but you know how I love all things Indian. Thanks Emily, I need to get it back to you!
I know I'm blessed. I know I am lucky. But that sometimes doesn't make me remember when I feel overwhelmed with my responsibilities. A woman is always thinking. We never stop thinking. While we are folding the clothes we are planning the next meal, or thinking who needs shoes, or what assignment is due, or listening in for trouble making or fighting siblings... And that is just in five minutes. I really never knew. A mother never rests do they? Even in our sleep we have an ear out...
So please forgive me if I don't answer the phone. Or call you back fast. I cannot do it all and I'm trying my best. But there is a time for everything, just not everything all the time isn't that what they say. So be patient with me and I'm trying to manage this home of six. Its hard running the show around here. Especially on very little sleep.
I have a really sick baby today. All of the sudden. Sickness comes so fast and its no fun to feel helpless while your baby is fighting it off. But thankful after a very long talk with my mom, I am going to try to appreciate my life more. We only get one shot at it.
The goal for right now. Do nothing that doesn't make my life easier. My kids life. Our life. Because we are in it together, for the long haul. So we are going to enjoy each other (that is code for not being so mean and crabby...me, i've been the mean crabby one). Its a humble job. No worldly rewards. No fame and glory. But I know it is worth it. The hugs and kisses from my kids make it worth it. So here's to simplifying and learning quick. Wish me luck.